focus-ratings-mornoing newsGood morning…

Compass Ratings

The link to today’s ratings (top 3 rated) for the Wednesday meeting at Happy Valley is… http://compassratings.com/data/compassratings-2020-05-20.pdf

The link to todays’s ratings (all horses) for the Wednesday meeting at Happy Valley is… http://compassratings.com/data/compassratings-full-2020-05-20.pdf

French Ratings

There are no Group, Graded, or Listed races today.

Other Ratings

The Racing Post is showing some meetings in the States today but all of the racing seems very low grade and I am not rating any of those races.

Something to make you smile…

Secret Cat Diary…

DAY 752 — My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 — Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair … must try this on their bed.

DAY 762 — Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765 — Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was … Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 — I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called “shampoo.” What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 — There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call “beer.” More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage …

DAY 774 — I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to returnee. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) á and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.

Day 775 — The horrors! The worse creature my captors could have devised to torment me with was another hideous cat! I cannot stand the way it lies around and looks at me as if it knows more than I do. This creature seems to despise me as much as I it. I had held out a passing notion that another of my own kind would have enabled me to conspire against the villains who hold me; now I see that I was wrong. What a dreadful creature! Yet, they coo over us both. Can they not spot my innate superiority?

Day 776 — The other cat and I, though we can not stand one another, have yet managed to both pee copiously behind the couch, on the so-called “shag” carpet. I have taken a lesson from my rival and begun sleeping on top of my captors’ heads in the hope of suffocating them.

Day 777 — The wardens take much interest in our waste. They make sure they sift through the sand and pick it all out. Their interest in waste does not surprise me. After all, they like the dog.

Day 778 — The other cat seems to have an interest in copulation, which (thank them for their sadism) my captors will soon “fix”. Told him of the fingernail torture and he did not even believe me. I showed him my mutilated paws and he gasped in horror.

Day 779 — Yes, they are monsters, but I am so happy. They fixed the other cat. It’s sadistic, it’s sick ,it’s inhuman, it’s what their great leader “Bob Barker” commands, but – the Sphinx be praised – I support it whole-heartedly!

Day 780 — I got messed up on catnip tonight. At the height of it all, I had a vision, a hallucinogenic revelation: they are the prisoners and I am their captor! Why have I not seen this all before?


Sweet Charity

The wife came home early to find her husband with another woman.

“You unfaithful, disrespectful jerk! What are you doing? How dare you do this to me the faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving this house and I want a divorce!”

The husband replied, “Wait! Wait a minute! Before you leave,at least listen to what happened.”

“It’ll be the last thing I will hear from you so make it fast, you cheating creep.”

While driving home this young lady asked for a ride. I saw her so defenseless that I went ahead and allowed her into my car.

I noticed she was very thin, not well dressed and dirty. She mentioned she had not eaten for three days. Out of compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night that you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll gain more weight. When I served them to her, the poor young thing practically inhaled them.

Since she was dirty I asked her if she’d like to bathe. While she was showering, I noticed her clothes were worn-out and full of holes so I threw them away.

Since she needed clothes, I gave her the pair of jeans that you no longer wear because they’re too tight on you. I also gave her the blouse that I gave you on our anniversary and you don’t wear because I don’t have good taste.

I gave her the pullover that my sister gave you for Christmas that you won’t wear just to bother my sister. And I also gave her the boots that you bought at the expensive boutique that you never wore again after you saw your co-worker wearing the same pair.

After she dressed, I walked the young woman to the door where she turned around and with tears of gratitude streaming down her cheeks, she asked me…

“Sir, do you have anything else your wife doesn’t use?”


Modern Living…

You know you’re living in the twenty-first century when…

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses.

6. You go home after a long day at work and you still answer the phone in a business manner.

7. You make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial “9” to get an outside line.

8. You’ve sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

10. You learn about your job redundancy on the 11 o’clock news.

11. Your boss doesn’t have the ability to do your job.

12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.

13. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the screen.

14. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go home and get it.

15. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.

16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. 🙂

17. You’re reading this and nodding and laughing.

18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t a #9 on this list.


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Today

Whatever you are up to today…

Stay safe and healthy.

As always…

My kindest regards

keith-eckstein1