focus-ratings-mornoing newsGood morning…

There are 11 races at Sha Tin tomorrow but…

You should ignore the first one.

The horses don’t have any form and, thus, can’t be rated.

I am hoping for a repeat of the last two Sundays where we had a 30% strike rate and a 300% Profit on Stakes at Sha Tin.

The link for tomorrow’s ratings at Sha Tin (top 3 rated) is… http://compassratings.com/data/compassratings-2020-05-03.pdf

The link for tomorrow’s ratings at Happy Valley (all runners) is… http://compassratings.com/data/compassratings-full-2020-05-03.pdf


Something to make you smile…

The Ring

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.

The old man said, “I don’t think you understand, I want something very special.”

At that Statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.

“Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000,” the jeweler said. The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, “We’ll take it.”

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. “I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it
now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,” he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. “There’s no money in that account.”

“I know,” said the old man, “but can you imagine the weekend I had?”

Don’t mess with Old People.


Desert Island

A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly.

“Captain,” one passenger asks, “who is that man over there?”

“I have no idea,” the captain says, “but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.”


Speeding…

Late one night a man is driving down the road, speeding quite a bit.

A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over.

The cop says to the man, “Are you aware of how fast you were going?”

The man replies, “Yes I am. I’m trying to escape a robbery I got involved in.”

The cop gives him a skeptical look and says, “Were you the one being robbed?”

The man casually replies, “No, I committed the robbery.”

The cop looks shocked that the man admitted this. “So you’re telling me you were speeding…AND committed a robbery?”

“Yes,” the man calmly says. “I have the loot in the back.”

The cop begins to get angry. “Sir, I’m afraid you have to come with me.” The cop reaches in the window to subdue the man.

“Don’t do that!” the man yells fearfully. “I’m scared you will find the gun in my glove compartment!” The cop pulls his hand out. “Wait here,” he says.

The cop calls for backup.

Soon cops, cars, and helicopters are flooding the area.

The man is cuffed quickly and taken towards a car.

However, before he gets in, a cop walks up to him and says, while gesturing to the cop that pulled him over, “Sir, this officer informed us that you had committed a robbery, had stolen loot in the trunk of your car, and had a loaded gun in your glove compartment. However, we found none of these things in your car.”

The man replies, “Yeah, and I bet that liar said I was speeding too!”


The Lottery

A blonde woman was going through a very difficult time in her life.

She lost her job, her family, and all of her money. With nothing left to do, she decided to pray, “God, please let me win the lottery. I’ve lost everything.”

But the lottery came and she didn’t win.

She prayed once again, “God, I know the chance of winning the lottery is low, but I need it. Please let me win.”

But once again the lottery came and went and she didn’t win.

At this point she started to get angry with God, “Listen here God, I need to win the lottery. You owe me that much.”

Suddenly light beams descend from the sky and God appears before her.

She asks him, “God, why can’t you just let me win?”

God shakes his head and said, “I’m doing everything I can.

Could you meet me half way and actually buy a ticket?.”


Divorce Letters…

Dear Wife, I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good.

I’ve been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.

These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers later that night.

You came home, nibbled at your food for two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.

You don’t tell me you love me anymore, You don’t want sex anymore or anything. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me.

Whichever is the case, I’m gone.

Signed, Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together. Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband, Nothing has made my day more enjoyable than receiving your letter.

It’s true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a ‘good man’ is a far away from what you’ve been.

I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping.

It’s just too bad it doesn’t work. Yes, I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, and actually the first thing that came to my mind was “You look just like a girl” but my mother raised me not to say anything at all if you can’t say anything nice.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them.

I prayed that it was just a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your silk boxers were $49.99…

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.

So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for twenty million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Hawaii.

But when I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you’ve always wanted.

My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you won’t get a dime from me.

So take care. Signed: Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee!

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this but my sister ‘Carla’ was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem for you.


Lockdown can be fun…

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Today

Whatever you are up to today…

Stay safe and healthy.

As always…

My kindest regards

keith-eckstein1